i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
