Cold hands, warm shart.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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