i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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