considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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