no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
