I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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