I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
