i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
This toilet bowl is my home.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
