Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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