I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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