It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
