That's intense
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
