i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
