whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
