Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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