I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
