the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sober January is a disaster.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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