I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
