somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
