i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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