Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize