just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
