to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
