1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
