I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize