um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
