goodnight i made you a song goodbye
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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