I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
