Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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