I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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