Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
