I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
