I didn't shave. On purpose
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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