Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
