Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
