"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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