I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I touched a dick in church today
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
