ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i now understand why vodka
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
