Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
