I showed him my bush... on skype.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
