She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
