you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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