it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
