He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
