pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
