our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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