Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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