I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
