But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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