i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize