I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
