I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
