i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
