and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
