Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
