So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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