Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
