i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
