I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
