dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
