just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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