I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
