well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
