I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
