Cold hands, warm shart.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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