You really coming over, don't trick.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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