Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
