We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
