He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
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I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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