honey bunches of taint.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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