I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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