Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
