This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
